Reaction to Stress

How does your body react to stress?

I personally think mine has run the gauntlet of reactions through what I consider to be a relatively stressful time in my life.

I have pretty normal symptoms such as itchy skin, tight muscles and fatigue, nothing really new there. 

What is new is my reaction to stress.

I will admit that in the past I have been known to become inverted and quite, especially at home.  I am not one to project my anger in misplaced directions, but I tend to hold in a lot of my fear which can lead to that anger.

This time is different.

I want to believe that it just my age or experience in dealing with this type of stress, but that is only a piece of the puzzle.  I could easily give all the credit to my wife who continues to be a strong beacon of hope.  A big piece but just another piece

This time there is another piece that has been missing in the past, an outlet.

A true outlet, unlike a shoulder to cry on or ear to bend this outlet will hear my pain, feel my angst and fear without any judging or pretentious actions.

This outlet will always be there for me, will always come at me the strongest when I need it, will always react the way it has always reacted and at the end of the day will make me a better person.

When was the last time you had an outlet like this?

When was the last time you were laying on the ground, chest heaving, sweat pouring and heart pounding?

I can tell you for me it was this morning, yesterday, the day before that and so on

I can tell you it will be lunch today when again I am put to my own sick test

I can tell you I will regret the outlet today, at least for an hour, but that is why we do it?

I cannot wait for my release today?  Cannot wait to die and be reborn again in the matter of an hour

Cannot wait for Insanity…

Tripping Not Falling

I am disgusted with myself.

Deep seeded, root growing festering anger toward myself.

Is it healthy to think this way?  Doubt it.

Do I care if it’s healthy?  Not particularly

Why?  Why do I loathe my own being?

Simple. 

I cannot do a simple 21 day challenge.

I couldn’t do it?

Couldn’t say no.

It’s not that damn hard I’ve heard, then why is it so damn hard for me?

Am I going to be fighting this the rest of my life?

Most likely I think.

Well like the title states, I am not falling.

I tripped this weekend, had a couple drinks Saturday, had to smoke.

Yep had 4 cigarettes, were great then, hate myself now.

Sunday, had pizza!  And not just like a slice, nope,

A WHOLE, COMPLETE, ENTIRE PIZZA

Hate myself for it

It’s ok though, almost just lost it with this morning sprints, should be good for lunchtime’s Insanity workout, gonna turn it to muscle…

But for now, hate is what I have.