Reaction to Stress

How does your body react to stress?

I personally think mine has run the gauntlet of reactions through what I consider to be a relatively stressful time in my life.

I have pretty normal symptoms such as itchy skin, tight muscles and fatigue, nothing really new there. 

What is new is my reaction to stress.

I will admit that in the past I have been known to become inverted and quite, especially at home.  I am not one to project my anger in misplaced directions, but I tend to hold in a lot of my fear which can lead to that anger.

This time is different.

I want to believe that it just my age or experience in dealing with this type of stress, but that is only a piece of the puzzle.  I could easily give all the credit to my wife who continues to be a strong beacon of hope.  A big piece but just another piece

This time there is another piece that has been missing in the past, an outlet.

A true outlet, unlike a shoulder to cry on or ear to bend this outlet will hear my pain, feel my angst and fear without any judging or pretentious actions.

This outlet will always be there for me, will always come at me the strongest when I need it, will always react the way it has always reacted and at the end of the day will make me a better person.

When was the last time you had an outlet like this?

When was the last time you were laying on the ground, chest heaving, sweat pouring and heart pounding?

I can tell you for me it was this morning, yesterday, the day before that and so on

I can tell you it will be lunch today when again I am put to my own sick test

I can tell you I will regret the outlet today, at least for an hour, but that is why we do it?

I cannot wait for my release today?  Cannot wait to die and be reborn again in the matter of an hour

Cannot wait for Insanity…

Tripping Not Falling

I am disgusted with myself.

Deep seeded, root growing festering anger toward myself.

Is it healthy to think this way?  Doubt it.

Do I care if it’s healthy?  Not particularly

Why?  Why do I loathe my own being?

Simple. 

I cannot do a simple 21 day challenge.

I couldn’t do it?

Couldn’t say no.

It’s not that damn hard I’ve heard, then why is it so damn hard for me?

Am I going to be fighting this the rest of my life?

Most likely I think.

Well like the title states, I am not falling.

I tripped this weekend, had a couple drinks Saturday, had to smoke.

Yep had 4 cigarettes, were great then, hate myself now.

Sunday, had pizza!  And not just like a slice, nope,

A WHOLE, COMPLETE, ENTIRE PIZZA

Hate myself for it

It’s ok though, almost just lost it with this morning sprints, should be good for lunchtime’s Insanity workout, gonna turn it to muscle…

But for now, hate is what I have.

My Update

So it’s been almost two weeks of straight insanity workouts and zero bread, pasta, potatoes or rice

I don’t really have much to report

I am a bit disenchanted at this point

My diet has been on track,

Been doing both morning and lunch cardio sessions

[HIIT sprinting in the morning and Insanity at lunch]

I must say, I drop to my knees on a daily basis

Come close to bowel evacuation of the spewing nature daily

Am sore always

And yet…

Really not as much improvement as I feel like I should see

Going to stay with it, consistent, strong

Or I am going to go on a absolute binging rampage of all things carb related, tearing through random taco bells, jack-in-the-boxes and other lame excuses for food serving establishments!

Or I am just going to keep going on

Only time will tell….

M.P.A. (My Pure Anger) Vol. 02

Last week I was looking for the source of this sometimes blinding hatred of so many things.  Today I found at least some of that source.

The drive in was a good one, rain or not, a good steady pace with traffic, no abundance of complete idiots, they were there, just not so much that they caused me any undue stress.

Morning cardio was good, some HIIT on the treadmill!  Good times

Decent weekend, very lazy and relaxing

Then I start in on the weeks work, already filling my inbox

Annoyed but not terribly angry

Feels like it’s going to be a good day without any real vein popping and pointless aggression

Then as I sit working and drinking my breakfast I get a twinge

What was that?  A sudden feeling in my gut, churning , cramping…

Ohh yeah, there it is, a mix of all the processed, starch carb laden, roll inducing absolute garbage that filled my plate this weekend!

Oh wait, yep there it is, I had almost begun to miss the Monday anger that has spackled my schedule for weeks.

At least I know where this is coming from, no one to blame but me

I think that actually makes the feeling stronger, I have a face to put to the feeling

I am thinking it’s going to be a productive day, also the first day of my 21 Day Challenge, so funneling these urges to destroy into streamlined progress is a good thing.

As long as I have the control of this I will be great, time to push the work threshold and knock some ‘to-dos’ from the list! 

The New 21 Day Challenge: Carbs are Bad!

So I like to read about all things fitness.  There are of course my favorite authors, contributors and experts like Dave Tate of EliteFTS or Chris Shugart from T-Muscle / Velocity Life. 

Last week I read an article from Chris that really got me thinking.  The article title The New 21 Day Challenge 

(http://velocity.tmuscle.com/free_online_forum/diet_blog_hammer_velocity_shugart/the_21_day_challenge) is not his most recent, but was bumped up the forum list.

After reading about how habits can be formed, changed or broken in average within 21 days I took a look at myself and some things I would like to change in my life.  

While keeping this to a fitness based blog I will only go into a few of these, but needless to say there is a lot to be done to get me where I need to be on a lot of fronts.

I looked at ridding caffeine, alcohol or 21 days of cardio or something along those lines.  

Well, I gave up caffeine for a week on a whim and didn’t find it to be that intrusive. I haven’t had a drink in more than a month so that really didn’t work for me either. 

Then it hit me.

I want to give up starchy carbs.

That’s right, no:

1. 1.       Bread
2. 2.       Pasta
3. 3.       Potato
4. 4.       Rice
5. 5.       And pretty much any other filler type substance

I am not going completely no carb, I will supplement with additional servings of vegetables and beans (sorry baby!)

Wish me luck, I will report back weekly!

M.P.A. (My Pure Anger) Vol. 01

From the peak of a growing black hole of angst, anxiousness and flat out anger that occasionally shows rears its ugly head with a driving force like I’ve never experienced.  I challenge myself to channel this rage that comes from some unknown source that plagues my days.  Am I just spoiled, is this my brains’ pouting attempt when I don’t get what I want?  Is this the result of extended periods of stress?  Either way, the pure anger I feel is scary and foreign to me.  What is truly scary is that I am beginning to enjoy it.

It consumes me at times, others I do not feel its presence.  

What causes these self loathing flares?  Is it the re-occurrence of dishonest friends?  The lack of direction I feel?  These %&#(*@) people driving around me at 5AM?  

WHAT IS IT! 

The sad truth is I do not know.  All I know is the feeling that makes me want to rip the steering wheel right off the dashboard, throw it out the window and just let what happens next take its course.  I want to go visit a few people only to toss them the largest hail maker from the top rope they have ever experienced… maybe it’s the METAL blaring in my ears… nah, couldn’t be.  I want to run screaming into a gym, rip 500lbs from the floor ‘til I bleed then go run a marathon.  That should quench it.

I Think.

There is the part of me that wants to go buy a carton of cigarettes, a bottle of the cheapest whiskey I can find and 2 large pizzas and just go nuts in some dimly lit corner of an abandoned building like some fiend desperate for that next high.

I want to do a lot of things, will I… no

I will do what I always do

Just keep driving, keep hearing the loving embrace of a screaming voice in my head, push forward as always.

I will do what I always do

Strive with everything I have to use these feelings for the power of good.

I will work harder to become a better man, stronger mentally and physically.

I will use this anger to drive my ambitions.

And yes, hopefully scrape some serious damn weight off the floor this afternoon!

Under the Bar: Passion Part 3

Under the Bar: Passion Part 3

This is amazing...

I really do not have anything else to say.