Reaction to Stress

How does your body react to stress?

I personally think mine has run the gauntlet of reactions through what I consider to be a relatively stressful time in my life.

I have pretty normal symptoms such as itchy skin, tight muscles and fatigue, nothing really new there. 

What is new is my reaction to stress.

I will admit that in the past I have been known to become inverted and quite, especially at home.  I am not one to project my anger in misplaced directions, but I tend to hold in a lot of my fear which can lead to that anger.

This time is different.

I want to believe that it just my age or experience in dealing with this type of stress, but that is only a piece of the puzzle.  I could easily give all the credit to my wife who continues to be a strong beacon of hope.  A big piece but just another piece

This time there is another piece that has been missing in the past, an outlet.

A true outlet, unlike a shoulder to cry on or ear to bend this outlet will hear my pain, feel my angst and fear without any judging or pretentious actions.

This outlet will always be there for me, will always come at me the strongest when I need it, will always react the way it has always reacted and at the end of the day will make me a better person.

When was the last time you had an outlet like this?

When was the last time you were laying on the ground, chest heaving, sweat pouring and heart pounding?

I can tell you for me it was this morning, yesterday, the day before that and so on

I can tell you it will be lunch today when again I am put to my own sick test

I can tell you I will regret the outlet today, at least for an hour, but that is why we do it?

I cannot wait for my release today?  Cannot wait to die and be reborn again in the matter of an hour

Cannot wait for Insanity…

Tripping Not Falling

I am disgusted with myself.

Deep seeded, root growing festering anger toward myself.

Is it healthy to think this way?  Doubt it.

Do I care if it’s healthy?  Not particularly

Why?  Why do I loathe my own being?

Simple. 

I cannot do a simple 21 day challenge.

I couldn’t do it?

Couldn’t say no.

It’s not that damn hard I’ve heard, then why is it so damn hard for me?

Am I going to be fighting this the rest of my life?

Most likely I think.

Well like the title states, I am not falling.

I tripped this weekend, had a couple drinks Saturday, had to smoke.

Yep had 4 cigarettes, were great then, hate myself now.

Sunday, had pizza!  And not just like a slice, nope,

A WHOLE, COMPLETE, ENTIRE PIZZA

Hate myself for it

It’s ok though, almost just lost it with this morning sprints, should be good for lunchtime’s Insanity workout, gonna turn it to muscle…

But for now, hate is what I have.

My Update

So it’s been almost two weeks of straight insanity workouts and zero bread, pasta, potatoes or rice

I don’t really have much to report

I am a bit disenchanted at this point

My diet has been on track,

Been doing both morning and lunch cardio sessions

[HIIT sprinting in the morning and Insanity at lunch]

I must say, I drop to my knees on a daily basis

Come close to bowel evacuation of the spewing nature daily

Am sore always

And yet…

Really not as much improvement as I feel like I should see

Going to stay with it, consistent, strong

Or I am going to go on a absolute binging rampage of all things carb related, tearing through random taco bells, jack-in-the-boxes and other lame excuses for food serving establishments!

Or I am just going to keep going on

Only time will tell….

M.P.A. (My Pure Anger) Vol. 02

Last week I was looking for the source of this sometimes blinding hatred of so many things.  Today I found at least some of that source.

The drive in was a good one, rain or not, a good steady pace with traffic, no abundance of complete idiots, they were there, just not so much that they caused me any undue stress.

Morning cardio was good, some HIIT on the treadmill!  Good times

Decent weekend, very lazy and relaxing

Then I start in on the weeks work, already filling my inbox

Annoyed but not terribly angry

Feels like it’s going to be a good day without any real vein popping and pointless aggression

Then as I sit working and drinking my breakfast I get a twinge

What was that?  A sudden feeling in my gut, churning , cramping…

Ohh yeah, there it is, a mix of all the processed, starch carb laden, roll inducing absolute garbage that filled my plate this weekend!

Oh wait, yep there it is, I had almost begun to miss the Monday anger that has spackled my schedule for weeks.

At least I know where this is coming from, no one to blame but me

I think that actually makes the feeling stronger, I have a face to put to the feeling

I am thinking it’s going to be a productive day, also the first day of my 21 Day Challenge, so funneling these urges to destroy into streamlined progress is a good thing.

As long as I have the control of this I will be great, time to push the work threshold and knock some ‘to-dos’ from the list! 

The New 21 Day Challenge: Carbs are Bad!

So I like to read about all things fitness.  There are of course my favorite authors, contributors and experts like Dave Tate of EliteFTS or Chris Shugart from T-Muscle / Velocity Life. 

Last week I read an article from Chris that really got me thinking.  The article title The New 21 Day Challenge 

(http://velocity.tmuscle.com/free_online_forum/diet_blog_hammer_velocity_shugart/the_21_day_challenge) is not his most recent, but was bumped up the forum list.

After reading about how habits can be formed, changed or broken in average within 21 days I took a look at myself and some things I would like to change in my life.  

While keeping this to a fitness based blog I will only go into a few of these, but needless to say there is a lot to be done to get me where I need to be on a lot of fronts.

I looked at ridding caffeine, alcohol or 21 days of cardio or something along those lines.  

Well, I gave up caffeine for a week on a whim and didn’t find it to be that intrusive. I haven’t had a drink in more than a month so that really didn’t work for me either. 

Then it hit me.

I want to give up starchy carbs.

That’s right, no:

1. 1.       Bread
2. 2.       Pasta
3. 3.       Potato
4. 4.       Rice
5. 5.       And pretty much any other filler type substance

I am not going completely no carb, I will supplement with additional servings of vegetables and beans (sorry baby!)

Wish me luck, I will report back weekly!

M.P.A. (My Pure Anger) Vol. 01

From the peak of a growing black hole of angst, anxiousness and flat out anger that occasionally shows rears its ugly head with a driving force like I’ve never experienced.  I challenge myself to channel this rage that comes from some unknown source that plagues my days.  Am I just spoiled, is this my brains’ pouting attempt when I don’t get what I want?  Is this the result of extended periods of stress?  Either way, the pure anger I feel is scary and foreign to me.  What is truly scary is that I am beginning to enjoy it.

It consumes me at times, others I do not feel its presence.  

What causes these self loathing flares?  Is it the re-occurrence of dishonest friends?  The lack of direction I feel?  These %&#(*@) people driving around me at 5AM?  

WHAT IS IT! 

The sad truth is I do not know.  All I know is the feeling that makes me want to rip the steering wheel right off the dashboard, throw it out the window and just let what happens next take its course.  I want to go visit a few people only to toss them the largest hail maker from the top rope they have ever experienced… maybe it’s the METAL blaring in my ears… nah, couldn’t be.  I want to run screaming into a gym, rip 500lbs from the floor ‘til I bleed then go run a marathon.  That should quench it.

I Think.

There is the part of me that wants to go buy a carton of cigarettes, a bottle of the cheapest whiskey I can find and 2 large pizzas and just go nuts in some dimly lit corner of an abandoned building like some fiend desperate for that next high.

I want to do a lot of things, will I… no

I will do what I always do

Just keep driving, keep hearing the loving embrace of a screaming voice in my head, push forward as always.

I will do what I always do

Strive with everything I have to use these feelings for the power of good.

I will work harder to become a better man, stronger mentally and physically.

I will use this anger to drive my ambitions.

And yes, hopefully scrape some serious damn weight off the floor this afternoon!

Under the Bar: Passion Part 3

Under the Bar: Passion Part 3

This is amazing...

I really do not have anything else to say.

Insanity.. An Ongoing Personal Experiment

Why not I said. 

Why not, I’ll tell you why not!

This stuff is not for the faint of heart.  Plyo-metrics till you can’t see, push-ups till your shoulders pop and cardio to explode the remnants of your heart from your chest.

God I love this stuff!

And this was just the first day.

I have always preferred a type of “higher than normal” intensity when training.  If I’m not gasping, grabbing my chest at the end I just haven’t worked hard enough.  This system is right up my alley.  

Although I do not plan on doing the 60 straight days of this, I plan on incorporating this as my morning cardio.  It is a bit longer than my normal tabata workouts, but I think it will strengthen my heart for those long squat and deadlift sessions.

I hope to keep this going as long as possible.

More back later!

Out of Context?

To add to my last post about the study conduct that determines how eating fatty foods can hold the addictive nature of a regular crack addict comes today’s assignment.

EAT BREAKFAST LIKE A FATTY!

A study out of the UK has come up with this ground breaking, earth shattering conclusion from the

TELEGRAPH.co.uk

“Fried breakfast is healthiest start to day, say scientists”

 

Really…

I do not know what to say…

All of the talk of healthier, cleaner living spewing across the globe and this is what the UK has to contribute…

No wonder we gained our independence.

Here is the story if you care to read on…

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/7543507/Fried-breakfast-is-healthiest-start-to-day-say-scientists.html

Another Built-In Excuse...

I like to read the news.  I think I need to stop.  It seems an endless stream of propaganda is spewing from even the most so-called unbiased media outlets.  That being said, I still tend to read as much as I can.

In my never ending search for better health I read anything related to fitness, overall health or weight loss.  Usually this is a mind numbing effort leaving me more aggravated than before I began, but I try to use this rage ensuing blather to fuel my next workout. 

Today began like many others when reading Google’s news related to Health, much ado about the new Healthcare reform and other political crap.  Then…

Compulsive gorging on junk food similar to drug addiction: A Study

I almost screamed.

I had to investigate further.  The article was a quick reference to a study published by Nature Neuroscience.   (http://www.nature.com/neuro/journal/vaop/ncurrent/pdf/nn.2519.pdf)

I read, what I could understand, but it is not the study itself or the validity of the study that has my panties in a wad, it is the idea of the study and what I perceive to be the reaction to a study such as this. 

I grew up listening to the so-called findings of the newest craze derived by any number of medical associations, and let’s face it, most of these have been revoked. (egg yokes, red wine, fats…) 

So I am pre-disposed to questioning anything put out that is a new medical fact.  In addition, my undergraduate degree was in Information Systems so I of course have my doubts about anything published in the internet.

However, after reading the article and looking back at the Google News Search, more than four other online sources had toted the study as the latest and greatest in the fight against FAT AMERICA.

But what does this accomplish.  I will tell you…

“I am not fat because I don’t exercise, eat McDonald’s daily or take the elevator, I am fat because I am addicted, it’s a disease, didn’t you hear?”

Thank you to all the people and rats who worked on this study, however, I think you just built-in another excuse to all of the lazy people of the world.  Your study may be conclusive for a certain type of individual, but the masses will generate excuse after excuse from this! 

I am sure there are those that will seek treatment for this disease, for me, I am thinking a good hard, shin breaking prescription of deadlifts is order.

The Cheat Day???

What is the “CHEAT DAY?”

I have either heard or personally experienced every facet of this well known and usually overly utilized dieting fallacy. 

How many times have I heard / said…

“It’s my cheat day!  I can eat that [INSERT AB DESTROYING, METABLOLISM KILLING CRAP]!”

  I am no saint when it comes to the “clean living / eating thing.”  I have had my Taco Bell binges, or my late night rush on anything resembling processed carbohydrates or grease laden meats!  I deal with these horrendous urges constantly, the desire to gorge myself on those sweet little Wendy’s nuggets haunts my sleep.

However,

Lately I have been strong(er).  I have kept what I now consider to be cheat items to a minimum.  But the idea that I DESERVE a cheat day hovers like the devil on my shoulder.  What is that?  I deserve to get fat?  I deserve to feel like hell?  Why?  How can I go from the most adamant fighter for clean foods, high in plain old good for you stuff to the slob I used to be, inhaling upwards of $20 in dollar menu items from McDonald’s?  I can.  I can change my mind an allow myself to eat like that 400lb man I once was.  One day I will figure out why.

Till then I scrape and pull my way to the way I want to be.  That unyielding, clean, strong and lean man resides somewhere within this body, he will be found one day.

 I will DESERVE that cheat day when and only when I don’t want it!

Warrior Dash | Home

Warrior Dash | Home

This will be mine next year, oh yes, this will be mine!

Oh Thank You Sweet Jesus!

IT’S MONDAY!!!!! 

Not usually met with great anticipation, this traditionally first day of the work week has a crucial role in my week.  Not only is spring break over, not only am I gearing up for the last half of my semester…

The most important part about THIS Monday is…

I GET TO GO TO THE GYM.

I haven’t been in two weeks (surgery) and have been itching like a fiend since I missed workout number one two weeks ago today (ask my wife, I am sure she is ready for me to go hurt myself too!)

I have been dreaming and amping up since 4:22 this morning when I got out of bed 8 minutes before my alarm.  The whole drive into work I have been running through my workout yet to come this afternoon:

*Morning Boxer Tabata Cardio first (DONE)

1.       Power Cleans: good wake up and power move
2.       Deadlift: I love these, everything hurts when you are done!
3.       Overhead Shoulder Press BB: time to grow these puppies!
4.       Weighted Pull Ups: BIG BACK BABY
5.       Leg Triad: Extensions, Curls and Caves!
6.       Additional Shoulder: Complex of some type
7.       Direct Arm Work: Usually a mix of cables, DBs, dips and close grip pull ups
8.       Direct Abs: finish strong with some resistance abs and burn out!

I get two beautiful afternoons in the gym and love to push my limits.  I am not looking at a specific set/rep protocol, just as intense as I can go for as long as I can go.

Time to get it done!

I Love This &%^$ !!

I love this…

All of this… 

I can say I even love the food (thanks to my amazing wife and her super abilities of making previously un-edible vegetables and clean foods taste like they were slathered in sweet succulent butter!)

I wasn’t aware of my own level of addiction until the recently. Two events (at least in my head) brought this to fruition.

I finally got home from work last night, wasn’t too late, around 6pm.  My wife had grilled fish filets (tilapia I think even though she doesn’t eat fish), the kids were about to eat.  Instead of just plopping on the couch and molding into those pillowy cushions, we decided to go on a run.  This may not seem like much, but here we are both exhausted, torn down and beaten, and what do we do, we take the kids, my daughter on her bike, her friend on the scooter and my 1 yr old in his stroller.  We run to the local park at which point we do a barrage of dips and pull ups on the equipment, then run back feeling better than ever for having done it!  It is like CRACK for the soul!

The second event and really the point when I realized that I might need help (kidding), was this morning.  The baby wakes up at 4:20am so I just turn off the alarm set for 4:30am.  Get the baby fed and get out the door for the office by 4:35am.  I should be tired, should be dreary eyed and dreaming of that first cup of coffee only a short hour and a half drive away.  However, these things do not enter my mind.  I am mentally preparing myself for my new morning ritual (been a few weeks of it now) of morning tabata cardio.  I just crave that utter lung burning, gasping feeling of death at the end of the 4 mins.  

Today it was brupees! 

It was at this point of realization that I was getting excited for hurting myself that makes me think I may need professional help.

Or I can just keep going and releasing the endorphins!

I LOVE THIS &$^#!!

A comment on The Biggest Loser

I just wanted to add a quick comment about The Biggest Loser. 

I absolutely loathe reality TV!

That being said, my wife and I have become followers (like most of America according to the latest ratings) of The Biggest Loser.  WHY?

This show really does seem to be helping people.  These contestants (most of them) are an inspiration to thousands of loyal fans, obese or not.  I am watching for one reason, well two… 

Cousins Sam and Koli.

I have watched these two push, scratch, jump, run, sweat and bleed their ways through this competition.   Now I have played football for more years than I care to count, through college at least, I have been a part of what I would consider a fitness / gym environment since 5^th grade.  I have known people like Sam and Koli.  The real motivators, the ones everyone turns to for inspiration and most importantly the ones that LEAD BY EXAMPLE!

Pay attention to the last one!  This is a growing theme.  This is also just another reason Bob and Jillian (the Biggest Loser trainers) have all my respect, Jillian especially! Being a FFB (former fat boy) I can relate to these contestants, I know the absolute determination it takes to lose 100lbs.  (Koli did this in 9 weeks!)  I also know what it is like to drop below 300lbs for the first time in years, down from the 400s!  It is a feeling that cannot be replaced.  There is a real sense of accomplishment in losing weight and changing your self-image, but when you hit a milestone like these, it changes you.  At least it did for me!

I watched Koli break these barriers last night and was reminded of my own battle.  I was shoved back into that world of the 300+ pounders, how much I HATED LIFE!  How much I felt sick, tired, lazy and just plain BLAH for years.  (playing sports, working 50+hour weeks didn’t matter!)  I could not help but feel re-inspired to push harder, being reminded of these times has that affect on me.

I just thought this was a good time to say Thank You to the boys from The Biggest Loser.

More on The Biggest Loser later...  I am sure...

HIIT vs. Steady State Cardio

High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT): A cardio exercise strategy involving short very high intensity bursts, usually performed in a 2:1 ratio with a rest or another medium intensity exercise.  This strategy is very effective for fat loss and general cardiovascular performance. (

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-intensity_interval_training)

Steady State Cardio: A generally accepted cardio strategy also known as Long Slow Distance (LSD) strategy designed for improved cardiovascular performance as well as increased skeletal muscle development.

 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_slow_distance)

Now that we are clear on the definition, I have a question for you, which do you choose? 

Think about it for a bit before you make your decision.  If you could only do one type of cardio for the rest of your life would it be riddled with short fat incinerating bursts or excess melting long steady sessions?

What does it matter you ask???

Nothing…EVERYTHING

Let me re-phrase the question.

How do you approach life in general?  Too vague, ok.

How do you approach all of your goals, business, personal or fitness?  Still too vague?

This is my take.  You can learn quite a bit about people by the way they state, work and commit to their goals, in any aspect of life.  Lately I have been pondering the difference between certain attitudes.  There, of course are a thousand different types of attitudes, grey areas if you will, that muddy the waters when categorizing anything, especially people.  However, when really thinking about a persons’ general attitude (yes, I have roughly 4 hours of daily commuting, time to think) I always drift toward their overall drive and how they handle personal goals and obstacles.  Ignore it if you will, but this is my long winded take on how we live our lives per our choices in cardio…

HIIT Trainer:

Push harder, faster longer as long as the intensity is there!  Sweat, blood and most likely some excrement are sure signs this true believer was here.  You got a challenge, we’ve got the answer!  Go big or go home! Do it ‘till it doesn’t suck! I love this attitude!  Whether this is about a physical challenge, or testing the limits of your brain, there is little middle ground for this group.

Steady-State Trainer:

Do it right the first time.  Measure twice, cut once.  The goal is in sight, but the road to get there is much longer and riddled with pitfalls, so, of course the best way is a very distinct plan that takes all aspects into account.  Would rather take my time than go nuts like our HIIT cousins, we will get there, may take a bit longer but we will be there regardless.  These tortoises are good friends to have, always driven, maybe not as furiously as the afore mentioned, but they will get there. 

Now I am sure no one fits exactly into either of these categories…  Me?

I am dominant HIIT with a bit of Steady pulling up.  I actually do HIIT cardio 90% of the time and love that I can destroy any fiber holding my lungs / heart / lower intestine together in almost no time.

Just some thoughts…

Chicken, Tuna and Front Squats

I cannot count how many times I have been asked by friends, family or random strangers, “how did you lose the weight?”  (Usually referring to my massive weight loss of over 200lbs during my undergraduate years)

I will admit, at first this was always taken as a compliment and I would go on and on about the hours destroying myself in the gym, the strict dieting and supplementation I was doing… boring stuff, but nonetheless 

I would just ramble on thinking, hey maybe this person will get some good out of what I am talking about.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that these questions were more self-serving than anything else.  No one listened, no one really cared and of course no one changed.

Soon my answer became the same every time, quick and to the point…

Chicken, tuna and front squats.

This of course would illicit some type of odd looking reaction, confusion across the face of some poor soul expecting to get some lavish story they could pretend to listen too just to make themselves look and feel better for having done so.  …”WHAT?”

As if they didn't hear me… ha!

I would repeat myself with this little rant, usually ending the conversation and returning me to whatever it was keeping me occupied at the time.

Chicken, tuna and front squats.  I hate chicken, tuna and front squats, yet I am constantly eating baked or canned chicken, tuna straight out of the can and doing front squats until I puke!  You want to know how you lose weight, get stronger and look better.  Take the foods / exercises / life choices you don’t like, you know the ones, the choice to not go bar hoping, to put down you sixth hot dog or the do some deadlifts, and here is the kicker…  DO THEM!

And don’t do them for a week or two, do them like your new life is directly related to how many of these you do.

That is how I changed, that is how I am changing and that is how I live…

Much happier now…

Welcome Back

I have done this before. 

I have fought through these feelings, jumped this hurtle, lost this weight, gotten out of the quicksand just in the nick of time. 

This will not be the first time; I have will re-teach myself things like pain, righteous anger, misplaced hate and most of all fear. 

Sound a bit dramatic?  It is.

That is not to say it is not momentarily true.

I am back to where I did not want to be, fighting again to reach goals set in place so long ago.

After almost a year of what I would call blood pumping, muscle tearing and fat shredding I made the same mistake…  I got happy.  I allowed myself to begin to justify actions I previously would not accept.  The voices were back  ..”you earned this (enter great tasting yet massively caloric heart stopping food item(s) here)…”  or the infamous “you can afford to skip today’s sacrifice to the temple of sweat, blood and tears.”

I am cutting the bloodletting short this time, not waiting until all 80 of the lbs of I have lost jump on me like I would an all you can eat burrito contest.

So back to the gym, warehouse, concrete, wood and any and other surface or space I can find to hurt myself on.

Back to the tabata, HIIT and all out iron destruction

Back to the chicken from the can, salads and tuna cans

Back to happy

Back to growth

Back to getting it done

And finally back to being the me I have to, need to and want to be!